And My #1 Dream Job is…

I’ve been thinking lately about some amazingly awesome jobs I could have. After all, since I’ve been unemployed for 2 months, I have lots of time to fantasize about what I’d like to be doing.

For instance… I’d love to be on Mythbusters. They get to build cool machines, perform bizarre experiments, and blow shit up for a living! How awesome is that?

Then there are the people who come up with the games for The Price is Right. Sure, no one will ever top Plinko, but I’d love to build the machines for each game and conceptualize new ones.

(My husband and I just got this game for the Wii last week. We’ve won hundreds of thousands of dollars, at least 30 new cars, a dozen spas, and roughly 17 bedroom sets. I expect our prizes to arrive within 4-6 weeks.)

Heh, I got distracted thinking about the car dealership we’re going to open up. Cause really, the only car we actually wanted was the Corvette.

Another job I’d love to have? Editing. For a publishing company. I want to be the one who decides which books get published. Unfortunately, I’d drive a lot of writers to suicide. I might be a little too blunt with my criticism. I’d save the NYT Bestseller list from a lot of crap, though. Just sayin.

There’s another job that overshadows each and every one of these, though.

I want to be a stripper.

I have no idea why. Ok, so I do. I realized this hidden dream while listening to “Another One Bites the Dust.” I don’t know what it is about that song that makes me want to take my clothes off.

Then there’s the tight-bodied aspect of a career as a stripper. Sure, I’d have to drop 30 pounds and tone up before I could pursue my dream, but I’ve seen some really hot strippers with amazingly tight bodies. I mean, how can you get fat when you spend your evenings dancing and your days getting high on meth?

Ok, ok, I won’t be a druggy stripper. I’ll be the one who does it strictly for the enjoyment of driving men crazy with my hot body.

How about the money? I’d work for a high-class strip joint (is that an oxy-moron?) where I’d earn at least $600 per night. Man, that would be awesome. I could work one day a week and have plenty of money to live on. I won’t even mention the sugar daddies I might meet there…

All that attention would be cool too. What girl doesn’t derive at least a little bit of guilty pleasure from having every guy in the room drooling over her?

I think stripper is definitely the most likely job choice for me. Mythbusters and The Price is Right both require me to move to California and be a lot more scientific than I actually am. As for editing– I wouldn’t last long. I’m pretty sure I’d get fired after 3 or 4 writers killed themselves because of me.

I wonder if I’d be eligible for unemployment after that?

So, stripping it is.



7 Comments on “And My #1 Dream Job is…”

  1. Morgan says:

    Stumbled upon your blog, very funny! I always thought about stripping, but I guess the dancing party is where I get thrown off. I have no problem having people seeing me naked, but I just look like a fool dancing. Any market for guys just having a girl stand there while Def Leppard is playing?

  2. I think between the stretch marks and my complete lack of rythm I would make one HI-Larious stripper. It would be like Elaine from Seinfeld stripping after three kids…

    I am going to let that vision simmer for a bit.

  3. I’ve also wondered who makes the games for The Price is Right. I like to do big games for birthday parties, and I stumbled upon the history of the games while doing research.

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