Why can’t I stop watching?

So, I’ve been watching Secret Life of the American Teenager. I have decided that this show is pretty much the worst thing ever, yet I can’t stop watching. It’s a fucking train wreck. Just try looking away from a train wreck… it’s not easy.

I have one thing to say. And then a few other things to say.

First: Fuck you, Grace. Seriously.

She started off as the perfect little Christian girl. Then she decided to have sex with her boyfriend, and then she decided that was wrong. Then they broke up, and she started liking another guy. Then that other guy got another girl pregnant. And apparently that’s a huge turn-on for her. Then her ex-boyfriend got together with someone else, and she pulled the psycho bitch bullshit while trying to still be the nice little Christian girl.

Dizzy yet? Or homicidal? Cause I kinda am. If I knew this bitch, I would choke her.

It kinda pisses me off that she’s the one good girl on this show, yet she’s the single one. And the psycho one. Way to set a good example, ABC Family– if you’re good and try to abstain from sex, you’ll be left alone. Maybe it was that one slip-up that fucked her up… either way, this show just proves that morals get you nowhere.

I love how everybody’s parents are getting married at the same time. To each other. As in, former lovers are deciding to get back together and then thinking it’s a good idea to get married.

Oh yeah… one of the couples got knocked up while they were separated. Yeaaaaaaahhh… no wonder all these kids are getting knocked up. They have horrible examples all around them.

Then there’s Ricky the manwhore. I’m surprised that kid doesn’t have 7 kids by now.

And Adrian… oh, Adrian. That little hooker needs to have her knees sewn together. She got pregnant during a revenge fuck, and she’s one of those little girls who will go around fucking every guy on the planet just to piss off their girlfriends. They should have a fiction version of Teen Mom just for her. I’m sure she’ll make teenage parenthood really, really interesting.

This show is just taking on way too many issues all at once. Pregnancy, unstable parents, abortion, sexuality, relationships… it wouldn’t be so bad if they did it well. It’s kinda like The Sarah Silverman Show. She was too concerned with being offensive and ended up just not being funny. This show tries to be an after school special but they’re so concerned with covering every angle that they’re just teaching all the wrong things.

And then there are all the former big names. Molly Ringwald, Josie Bissett, I even saw Blossom… that was a trip.

I feel like I’ve lost IQ points every time I watch this show. And I feel like everyone should boycott my blog for writing about it.

But holy hell, I just can’t tear my eyes away from this train wreck.

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