Dear Tony Romo, my other husband:

Image courtesy of

I fucking love you. But you knew that already. You are the star of every sexual fantasy I’ve ever had, and I want nothing more than to let you bend me over the bed and have your way with me while screaming out all of your stats as the Cowboys’ quarterback.

What, TMI?

When I saw you hit the ground last night, I wasn’t worried. I’ve seen you take hits before, and I believed that one would be just like all the rest. And then you didn’t bounce back up like you always do, and I knew. I didn’t want to believe, but I knew. There isn’t much that can take you out of the game– I saw you try to go back in to play. But those damn trainers know what’s best, I suppose.

Image courtesy of FoxNews.

Football means nothing to me without you. And this Kitna dude? He sucks. Or maybe the offense just hates him, I’m not sure. I think it might be a little bit of both. I was so hopeful at the beginning of the game, up 10-0 in the first quarter and leading right up until they took you down… things were going so well. I was beginning to have hope for the rest of the season. A game like last night’s was shaping up to be is just what the ‘Boys needed to get them out of this early slump.

But without you, there is no hope. I don’t believe for a moment that you alone make this team, but you make this team work. You are the one they trust to get the ball where it needs to be, to call the plays that will get you all down to the endzone. Now, this 1-5 record looms before a team who is without their leader, and it’s like a noose. No matter what they try to do, they can’t salvage this season. It’s over.

But Tony, I love you. Obsessively. I know you’re too much of a player (for lack of a better term) for us to ever have anything permanent, but I love you anyway. I think you’re gorgeous and when you hurt, I hurt. I wanted nothing more last night than to be able to kiss it and make it all better for you. I hated seeing you on the sidelines in that sling, watching as your team was destroyed in what had been such a promising game. There are moments that define history, and the hit last night was one of them. Just remember that even when you’re not playing, I still love you. And also, that makes my husband jealous.

Sigh. I loved you first.


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